Welcome blog readers.

I’m back.

It’s true, I took a hiatus for quite awhile. Over a year to be exact.

The past year, I’ve gone through a lot of self-reckoning, and I look forward to sharing more about that reckoning in the coming week/months. Until then I thought I would just have fun, and share my 2012 Hopefuls with you.

• Continue schooling (Feb 6 – Indiana Wesleyan University)
• Pay off all debts by August
• Write apology letters to the people in my life I’ve wronged
• Give grace to the people who I’ve yet to do so
• Come to terms with where I want to be, compared to where God has me and is taking me
• Meet the lady who will be a part of my long-term future
• Be healthier because God has called me to be, not because I care how others view me
• Be able to run 6 miles by July
• Continue to support the local business
• Take the stairs over the elevator on a regular basis
• Drink less coffee and more natural juices
• Buy all my produce from the Farmer’s Market
• Visit my brother in New Hampshire, Aunt/Friends in Georgia, friend in California
• Don’t be such a judgmental jerk
• REALLY love others

This list could go on and on, but this is the core of what I hope to accomplish in 2012. I fully believe that the year I’ll have is dependent on my attitude and belief towards the year I’m facing. I don’t believe that for only me, but for you, my readers, as well. So with that, I wish all of you nothing but the best in 2012. As I posted on New Years Eve, “I am praying that 2012 brings you moments of learning, inspiration, brokenness, hope, sorrow, and love.”

Now tell me, what is something you’re hoping to accomplish this year?

This post is simple.
I have one question I’d like for everyone to answer.
The question is this…

What is LOVE to you?

I wrote back in January 2009, what I thought about love.
Read it here :: Loving With An Agenda

Sometimes it’s in a young heart that something so simple, yet so powerful is spoken.
I’ve had the blessing in my life to interact with a lot of young hearts who love God deeply. Through all of those interactions, I have been pushed and stretched in ways spiritually that has created a growth that would not have been possible otherwise. There are a few of those moments however that literally stick out in my head that will continue to mold me for my lifetime.
Which brings me to today.
One of the guys, Evan – a senior in high school, came to me today with something he wanted to share.
It was something from the heart.
Something that was driven out of his own struggles and his own desire to love God.
While the following will read on surface as something so simple, it will read in the heart and spirit, as something so deep that it brings forth change and committment.

The tide goes in and out everyday without ceasing. Much like our Faith. Humans are weak and frail, causing them to be susceptible to letting their Faith burn out, become weak, and causing them to rely on it less to get them through their daily routines. Once “on fire”, now burnt out, exhausted, put out more for people and their approval rather than for God; looking and finding your identity in the world and people-beings as weak and broken as we are- and not in the one that created you and will love you unconditionally.

However unlike the ocean and it’s tide; we have the ability to control our “movements”, we can control what or who controls us. Whether it be acceptance by people, or the love – compassion – and grace of our Creator/Savior, we have a choice. We control our outward passion for pursuing God and wanting more of Him. The question is, are we “going in” or “going out”? Maybe for you it’s staying stagnant, content, and safe; lukewarm. Afraid that you may have to change.

So why do we experience spiritual highs and lows? Why do we continually ride the ‘spiritual roller-coaster’? It’s simple: we are human, who God created and gave the power of choice. There are ways however to prevent and change this;

• Read God’s Word – this will help immensely with staying connected with what He desires from us and for us.
• Prayer – as cliché as it may sound, it’s so true. It is such a huge step in staying intimate and close to Christ.
• Accountability/Relationships – surrounding yourself with people and influences that are inspired by and closely connected with the Holy Fire of God.

Thank you Evan for sharing your heart.
You sir, today, and for the rest of your life, are changing someone’s heart somewhere and the ‘movement’ in which it is heading.

When I’m bored, I facebook.
When I get a second free, I facebook.
When I first wake up, I facebook.
When I barely have time to breathe in my day, I still facebook.

When I’m bored, I don’t read my Bible.
When I get a second free, I don’t spend quality time in prayer.
When I first wake up, I don’t read my Bible or pray.
When I barely have time to breathe…well, you get the point.

This post is simple.
I let facebook capture my attention way too much.
I place more weight in my satisfaction on facebook then I do in trusting God with my happiness.(and it’s a wonder why I’m constantly stressed and filled with anxiety)
It’s time to step away for an extended period of time; to let go of facebook and take hold of what God has for me beyond the internet, beyond the comments, beyond the ‘likes’ and ‘pokes’, beyond all of the surface level interaction.
It’s time that I let God love me and lead me, because this is not my life to own, but it’s a life that God has leased me to use.

Who’s with me in being an idiot?
Idiots Unite!!

[I am going to be blogging my experience the next forty days, here at Running Like A Vagabond. Here you will find my stretching, molding, and kicked in the ass moments that God will lead me into]

It’s been such a long time that I’ve written in here, and I do apologize.
However, tonight, I want to share what’s on my heart, so please bear with me.

I’ve had one of the more rough past two years out of anyone I know. I’m not saying that for pitty, I’m merely being honest. I built a path for myself that lead to destruction. This destruction destroyed paths to His Kingdom. It destroyed traditions, purposes, desires, gifts. At some point within my walk with God a little over two years ago, I decided that I could do this life thing on my own, with my own ideas. I constantly told myself, and others, that these ideas were God’s and that He was the one that I was serving, and nobody else. Yet the truth be told, the only person I was serving, was myself. I took a gift that God gave and blessed me with, and destroyed it. I took the outlet that was built for me, and corrupted it. I used my knowledge to deceive, and lead in the wrong direction. I fell into the easy temptations that were set upon me, and fed those with my insecurities, to create a monster that hurt those who meant the most to me. It took a moment in the lowest of low valley’s for me to even see what I was doing. Within that valley, is where I allowed myself to meet God one on one. It was there that I found the truth. I found that my love, it was conditional, and was attached with tons of agendas. I found that my words that were being spoken, were being spoken so that they could benefit me, because I needed to be important. I needed to be loved. I needed to be recognized for what I was doing. Or so I thought. It was in the valley, that God showed me, none of that mattered. That what truly mattered was loving so deeply, that you were forgotten and God was remembered. That the less of me that was in my life, that the more my life would prosper and experience joy. That the more I blessed others, the more that I would truly KNOW Him.

Today, I am closer to being where God wants to me to be, yet I am so far that every day is a struggle. I am constantly looking for every tree root, every limb to hold on to, to lift/pull myself out of the valley into the arms of my Savior. Tonight, as I was worshiping and praying with IHOP’s Awakening service, God continued to guide me out of my valley. Tonight, He showed me another glimpse of the truth of freedom. That there is such thing as complete freedom when you trust Him with your life fully. No corners cut, no secrets hidden in the closet. Only you, as you are, with all your ugliness in your arms, ready to be handed over to the one that took the scars so we wouldn’t have to have any.

So tonight(or whenever you read this), I ask that you pray with me, and for me. That you will pray freedom and courage into the lives of all of those who deal with bondage in their life between them and whatever it is that is acting as their God in their life. Whether that be porn, video games, sex, tv, books, their friends, their job, their school work, their spouse, money, etc. Pray that they will find courage to put their faith in the only God who will satisfy and heal. The only God that can rid their guilt and shame. The only God who will fill their thirst. The only God who will never fail them. The only God, who can give complete, freedom; Abba Father

Please, share a your stories, your testimonies, and prayer requests below, so that we can grow and learn together.